It’s been a few days since I’ve written. I’m giving myself permission to chill and listen to my body. Right now I should be sleeping but I couldn’t sleep. I had a rough day today. In case you didn’t hear the news, we miscarried a while back. I’m doing OK. I was resolved with the outcome and pretty much just went on with life. Business as usual. I’ve had spurts of sadness but I’ve been too busy to feel. Today I went to Target and walked by all the baby clothes and toys. I watched the excited, expectant moms shopping with anticipation. It seems like everywhere I go, everyone is pregnant. It’s just a constant reminder that I am not. It’s easy for me to just not think about it and go about my busy life. My life is super busy right now. We’re in the middle of a HUGE move out of state and I have a lot on my plate. I had to give myself permission to grieve and to be OK with being sad. It’s actually easier to check out, numb out, and not deal. In my fitness classes, I teach my clients to be in the moment. I teach them not to be afraid of emotions, hard challenging moves, and to be open to the challenge. Just like in life, we are sometimes thrown a curve ball. Sometimes, we don’t know why things happen. I know for me, I can intellectualize it and just give myself a pep talk. “It’s OK, everything happens for a reason.” “God is in control.” “It’s just not meant to be.” Even though it may be true, it can divert my true feelings and make it harder for me to be in touch. It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to be sorrowful. It’s OK to be human.
1) YOGA DAY- How fitting that today is Yoga day. Yoga really helps me to see the parallels of real life and my practice on the mat. Yoga helps me to hear the chatter in my mind and as I hold poses, I can slowly calm the chatter and focus on the NOW. If I’m all over the place in my mind, I’m all over the place on my mat. It’s a great challenge mentally and of course physically. I have to surrender to where I’m at physically. I can’t fake it or force it. I have to just BE. That’s the beauty of Yoga. You are forced to be your authentic self even if you’re falling all over the mat. You can’t have ego in yoga. LOL! Another beautiful thing in Yoga is there is no judgment. You accept where you’re at with no judgment. Some days you feel stronger than others. It’s OK. I need to take some yoga today to learn some lessons on being present and being in the moment. I hope you can join me. Peace:)))
2) Mantra- Love is Patient
My mantra is simple today. I need to be patient with myself. To be honest, the day after my miscarriage, I taught a high intensity fitness class. My doctor was not happy with me. She told me I needed to rest and let my body heal. In my mind, I was ready to go after my normal fitness regimen and go full out. I felt good, I had energy. I was in a hurry to get back in to tip top shape. Why? What’s the hurry? I had to ask myself these question. I think for me, it gave me some kind of comfort to get back on a schedule and take my mind off of the loss. I listened to my doctor and took it easy for the next couple of weeks. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not in a race, I’m not in a hurry, and it’s OK to take some time to recuperate. If I’m not patient with myself, how can I be patient with others. In 1 Corinthians 13:4 It says, “Love is patient”….that’s all I have to remember.
So I ask for your patience as I’m going through this time in my life. I may not blog daily but I’m always available on Facebook. Please “like” us if you haven’t already:))) I will host my next challenge group in June. In the next couple of months, I will be moving and healing. Thanks for your support, loyalty, and encouragement. It means a lot!!!
Love you guys and I’m rooting for you:)))) XOXO!!!